Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures
by lyradaemon
Summary: Valentine's Day means fangirls which means harassed bishounen. So Omi decides to take some desperate measures! PWP, rated for language


**Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures, **_by lyradaemon_

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.**

**A/N: A little PWP that popped into my head. It has nothing to do with 'Misunderstandings', is most likely OOC, full of silliness, and is cliché-ridden. So enjoy!**

**--------------------------------------------**

Yohji moaned as he felt the thudding in his head again, shoving his face further under the soft pillows. _I swear I didn't get drunk last night…_

"Get up Yohji you lazy idiot!"

_Uncalled for_.

Pause.

Bang bang bang.

"_Get up_!"

Yohji groaned again, half-grateful that it _wasn't_ his head that was pounding like that and somehow managed to haul himself upright. His sleep-fogged mind protested at being dragged away from smutty dreams of fucking Aya into the mattress, while his body demanded breakfast. Or lunch. Or whatever meal was suitable for whatever time it was. Yohji glanced at the clock on his bedside table and practically fell out of bed.

_What the hell am I doing up at 7.30am???_

Grumbling something about 'fucking inconsiderate mornings' he stomped off to the shower (which was suspiciously lukewarm), hauled on some clean clothes and stalked downstairs.

He was met by a very large, very hot mug of strong coffee. Grunting his approval he slumped down in a chair and continued the rest of his waking-up process. When the mug was mostly drained he felt more or less human, and decided that it was now about time he said something to someone.

"Morning."

Ken looked at him with an amused smile. "Late night?"

"No. I just don't like mornings."

"I noticed."

"Shut up."

Ken grinned before glancing at his watch. "Well, guess its time to get to work."

"Work?"

Ken snorted. "Yes Yohji _work_. Now hurry up." He headed off in the direction of the shop and Yohji trailed after him, still not very impressed that he was up at this ungodly hour. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen 8am outside of a missions.

In the shop he was surprised to find people. Lots of people. Young, squealing people. Girls. Lots and lots and _lots_ of _girls_.

Yohji froze.

He glanced at the calendar in horror.

"_Fuck_."

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Ken had been ready for it.

"_Fuck_."

Just as Yohji made a quick dive for the door, Ken reached out and grabbed him, yanking him back into the shop.

"Get off Ken!"

"Fat chance. You're not escaping this one."

Yohji whimpered as he looked at the sea of fangirls. "But Kenken, it's _Valentine's Day_."

Ken smiled grimly. "I know." He glanced over at the other two Weiss members as they tried to keep the tide at bay. It looked like a losing battle. Omi was trying to convince one particularly amorous girl to just let go of him while managing to keep a friendly smile on his face, and Aya…Aya was surrounded by squeeing adolescents, all of whom were trying to give the redhead everything from cards to rainbow-coloured teddy bears. His naturally pale skin alternated between white and red and his usually rich voice sounded strained.

Ken felt for him. He really did.

"There's so many of them!" Yohji whispered, horrified. Yohji, the Playboy of Tokyo, was actually _scared_. Of a bunch of girls. Ken would have found that absolutely hilarious if he wasn't feeling the exact same horror welling up inside himself.

"I _knew_ being a florist was a bad idea," Yohji groaned.

Ken completely agreed.

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Omi yelped as a hand managed to grab his ass. His mind silently screamed _FUCK OFF!!!_, while his face somehow kept a grip on its now-strained smile and he politely turned down yet _another_ cookie. _Dear god, this is madness_, he thought helplessly. _And it's only 8.15am…_

"Omi-kun! I made this just for you!" A blonde girl squealed before happily glomping him and waving what looked suspiciously like a picture of him under his nose. "You're just so _cute_ and-"

His attention was then snatched away when a kiss landed on his cheek and a, "Will you be my Valentine?" was whispered in a very un-sexy way in his ear. Stifling the urge to vomit he just smiled before turning to the bunch of flowers being pressed into his hand.

Knowing that there was only one other person in the whole room who could possibly save him, his eyes searched wildly for Aya. Who at that precise moment had some love-struck teenage girl in his arms, manly fending off her attempts at kissing him. Laughing at the image he then caught sight of the other two members of the team. It looked like Yohji was trying desperately to escape – he had a wild look on his face – while Ken was trying his very hardest to prevent that.

His senses overloaded with cloying perfume, the hot press of bodies, high-pitched voices and simpering expressions, Omi silently cursed each and every idiotic person who had a) come up with the idea of Valentine's Day b) decided that it would be a good idea to make four guys _florists_ and c) those who had let loose their hormone-driven teenage daughters.

_I hate Valentine's Day_.

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Aya systematically plotted revenge on every single person he could think of in order to take his mind off the horrifying sight in front of him. Valentine's Day had always been a busy day for them, but somehow – and he vowed to find out – this year things had gone to a new level. After being groped for what seemed like the millionth time, Aya just gave up and pushed his way back to the counter, diving behind and letting out a mental cheer. Standing up and brushing off his clothes he felt a lot safer. _At least they can't touch me here._

"Ken I _can't!_ It's…it's _hell-_"

Aya turned at the sound of Yohji's frantic voice and gave him one of his patented 'Shi-ne' glares. "I swear Yohji, if you even _think_ about running away, I will hunt you down and gut you."

Yohji gulped. "But have you seen this place? It's madness-"

"You don't say? Now shut the hell up and do something useful."

Unfortunately for Yohji, the girls crowded around the till had noticed the exchange and promptly began squealing. "It's Yohji-kun! Oh he's so _gorgeous!_ Just look at him…"

Aya snorted, amused by the fangirls' idiocy. _Yeah, like he'd be interested in you…_ Aya was well aware of Yohji's reputation as a lady's man, but _also_ knew what everyone else bar himself, Ken and Omi didn't know – it was all an act.

Yep, Yohji was definitely gay.

_So now you can all just piss off_, Aya thought happily.

Now that the attention had turned, thankfully, from Aya to Yohji, Aya could at least begin ringing up the various transactions, hoping that when they'd bought something the girls would just go home.

No such luck.

One beaming girl received her change then shoved the flowers she had just bought at Aya. "They're for you Aya-san!" She trilled happily.

Aya just stared at her. "Huh?"

She waved them around a bit. "They're for you. I bought them for you! Happy Valentine's Day!"

Not knowing what else to do, Aya took the flowers and thrust them under the till. "Er, thanks…"

"Oh you're welcome! I've always admired you Aya-san, you're so hardworking, always doing your best, and you're so handsome too! Do you think we could-"

Glaring at the idiotic girl, Aya turned to the next customer, who started blushing madly and giggling. _I hate giggling_, Aya thought sourly, as his admirer continued to stammer out what sounded suspiciously like poetry.

"And your hair is so red, you must be good in bed-" she chanted as Aya's cheeks reddened. "Your eyes are so bright, your skin pure white…"

Rolling his eyes he tried to block out the trite that continued to poor out her mouth, unable to fight the blush creeping across his face as the words got more and more personal.

_I hate Valentine's Day_.

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It was 1pm. He was still alive. Rumpled, tired and very pissed off, he was nonetheless still in one piece.

Which wasn't necessarily a good thing.

The rush hadn't exactly died down; Omi reckoned that part of himself had just stuck up the finger and buggered off somewhere, leaving the rest of him to cope with the madness. It meant that he could block most of what was going on, so he wasn't going to start complaining.

Yohji had just gone out to get more flowers from the back, and Ken was in the kitchen making coffee. Wobbly coffee, Omi hoped. (A/N: wobbly coffee has rum in it. Lots.) His head hurt, his cheeks hurt and his ass hurt from all the pinching. _Stupid, groping, idiotic, adolescent, stupid_… he gave up when he started repeating himself.

Enjoying the slight lull – which was probably due more to the fact that he was hiding behind a plant rather than to an actual decrease in customers – Omi surveyed the shop. Aya was still there, barricaded behind the counter with a very stern look on his face. One which did nothing to deter the eager girls – and one or two adventurous boys – from trying to grab his attention. Omi chuckled to himself, amused by the fact that that particular look sent grown men running but, when turned on teenage girls, it just seem to make them melt into goo.

Caught up in his own thoughts, he missed the chain of events which had led to the current sight of a girl with her arms wrapped tightly around Aya's neck. Aya for his part looked absolutely frantic as the girl stood on her tiptoes and actually _kissed_ him. His arms flailed, hands pushing madly at her but the girl was pretty insistent, pushing her whole body against his and eating at his mouth.

_That's it_, Omi thought. _Time for desperate measures_.

He didn't want to do this. But he had to save Aya, and right now, it seemed like the only he _could_ do.

Ducking out from his hiding place he stalked over to the girl who was happily molesting his team mate, grabbed her none too gently, pulled her off, put _his_ arms around Aya's neck, and kissed him.

Aya froze.

The noise vanished.

Someone let out a strangled whimper.

_That'll show them_, Omi thought triumphantly. _Now they won't touch him. Or me_. He gave himself a mental pat on the back.

Pulling away just enough so that he could breath, he whispered, "Just go along with it. Trust me," before diving back in. _Mmm, but Aya tasted really good…_

Just as Omi was getting into the open-mouthed kiss with a surprisingly willing Aya – he'd obviously caught on to Omi's plan – the door to the back of the house opened.

Pause.

"_What the __**hell**__ are you doing?_"

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Yohji had managed to escape the mayhem for a few minutes under the pretext of getting more flowers from the greenhouse. A good plan, he'd thought. After deciding that he really should be getting back if he didn't want Aya and his katana after him, Yohji mentally steeled himself and pushed open the door to the shop.

His jaw dropped at the sight before him.

Omi was wrapped around Aya and busily sucking his face off. Except it wasn't _quite_ as crude as that. It was pretty hot actually. And Aya certainly seemed to be enjoying it too…

Yohji's brain kicked in – giving his libido a slap for thinking that Omi French-kissing _his_ fantasy was hot – and he yelled, "_What the __**hell**__ are you doing?_"

The rest of the shop was silent. You could hear a pin drop. A sea of distressed faces was turned to the two Weiss who were currently putting on a show for all the world to see. Omi was _kissing Aya._

_Not fair_.

Deciding that he'd seen enough, he stomped over as the two heads pulled apart and stared at him with violet and blue eyes. _Not fair that Omi gets to kiss Aya. He's mine._ He stopped just in front of them, and growled at Omi, "He's _mine_."

Omi gaped at him, obviously shocked at Yohji's possessive response. Aya appeared to be equally perplexed, but so would you if you'd just had some gorgeous little bishounen jailbait sucking your tongue, and were now being confronted by an irate Yohji…Aya had every right to be confused.

"…" he said.

Yohji ignored that, glared at Omi again, a 'get the hell off him its my turn' kind of glare, waited the two seconds it took for the youngest Weiss to disentangle himself, before grabbing the redhead and pulling him into a searing, hot, wet, _fucking amazing_ kiss.

Aya let out a little oomph of surprise before obviously collecting his scattered thoughts and returning the kiss with gusto. Which suited Yohji just fine.

_Maybe I don't hate Valentine's Day _that_ much…_

_--------------------------------------------------------_

Akiko stared at the sight before her, not caring that her mouth was hanging open. Omi-kun had just _kissed_ Aya-kun. They were both boys. Boys weren't meant to kiss like that. _She_ was meant to kiss Aya-kun. That's what girls and boys did, right? And it was Valentine's Day. The day when she was meant to be with Aya-kun.

And now Yohji-kun had stormed in, snapped "Mine" and decided to kiss the redhead too.

Which was so unfair.

And so very, very _hot_.

Akiko's brain shut down and she fainted.

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Huh. Trust Yohji and Aya to make someone faint by bloody well kissing. He pouted. And he'd been enjoying it too. Not that he wanted Aya or anything – not in that way at least. The person he _did_ want wasn't there. He was making bloody coffee.

A thought popped into Omi's head.

_I'm going to go make coffee too_.

Feeling very pleased with the idea, he sauntered off happily to carry on with Kenken where he'd left off with Aya. Grabbing a red rose as he went by, he flipped a "Ja ne!" at the two lip-locked men and headed into the kitchen.

Kenken was busy pouring coffee into four mugs. Deciding that there were much better things for him to be doing, Omi took the pot out of his hands, set it down on the side, and pulled Ken's head down for a kiss.

When Ken relaxed – after all of three seconds – Omi murmured happily against the older boy's lips and wound his arms around his neck.

"Happy Valentine's Day Kenken."

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He'd thought that the first kiss – the one from that girl – had been startling enough. Then Omi, _Omi_, had kissed him, apparently as a way of scaring the hordes of fan girls off. It had worked. Then Yohji, the drop-dead gorgeous object of his wildest fantasies, had stormed into the shop in a jealous rage, proclaimed 'Mine' in his sexy drawl, and proceeded to kiss him with a single-minded determinacy that had both shocked and him and caused the part of his brain that had been shocked to blow a fuse and piss off.

Yohji was kissing him. Yohji was kissing him and it felt bloody amazing.

Only when Omi – at least, he'd thought it was Omi – had yelled 'Ja ne!' did Aya's mind begin to start working again. He pulled away from Yohji breathlessly, gave him another kiss for good measure, then turned to the shop.

Which was utterly silent and staring at him – at them – with varying looks of betrayal. Aya gave a smug smile. "Did you want to buy anything?" He asked in his sweetest voice. He heard Yohji chuckle behind him, and almost laughed himself at the shocked looks on the girls – and boys – faces. "Well?"

That one world appeared to be the signal for the crowd of the people to just give up and go home. He heard one particularly distraught-looking girl saying tearfully to her friend, "But I thought they were straight!" while another was stamping angrily on some flowers.

_I love Valentine's Day_.

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When the mass of subdued no-longer-rabid-fangirls finally left the shop, Yohji and Aya quickly locked the door, pulled down the shutters, and practically ran into the back of the Koneko. Catching sight of the other two Weiss – Omi was perched on the counter, his legs round Ken's waist and his t-shirt half off – Yohji grinned, gave Ken a quick smack on the ass, before grabbing Aya's hand and dragging him off upstairs. "Nice one Omittchi!" He yelled down the stairs, then shut the door behind them, locked it and turned to his gorgeous redhead.

"Now then," he purred, advancing on the younger man. "Remind me; where were we?"

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Several hours later, Aya found himself lying sprawled across Yohji, trying to get his breath back and his jumbled thoughts in order.

"Gah," Yohji said with a stupid look on his face. "'S good."

"Hn."

"That's all you can say about the sexual prowess of Kudoh Yohji? I'm offended Aya."

"I told you how good you were last time," Aya reminded him, nuzzling Yohji's neck before biting his ear. He grinned at the moan Yohji emitted.

"And the time before that," the blonde replied, tracing circles on Aya's damp back. "I'm pretty sure the 'Oh fuck Yohji!' before _that_ was a compliment too…"

"Shut up."

"Admit it, I'm fucking amazing."

"Don't take all the credit. 'More Aya, _harder_!'", Aya mimicked, chuckling. "You're not the only one who's fucking amazing. Or amazing at fucking." He grinned smugly at Yohji's surprised yelp when his fingers found his nipples.

"You're an evil man Fujimiya," Yohji said weakly, surrendering himself to Aya's nimble fingers and hot mouth.

"Yes," Aya said proudly, "I am," and kissed Yohji soundly.

_It had been a very good Valentine's Day._

_------------------------------------------------------_

Omi lay curled up against Ken, all sorts of happy thought whirling through his head. _I just fucked Kenken_, he thought dreamily and grinned. Ken noticed and laughed sleepily. "What are you thinking about Omi?" He asked softly, running his fingers through Omi's sweat-dampened hair.

"That I'm very, very happy."

"Yeah, you sounded pretty happy a while ago."

"Mmm."

"Omi?"

"Yeah?"

"Happy Valentine's Day."

Omi didn't say anything, just leant over and kissed him in reply.

Suddenly Ken didn't seem all that sleepy anymore.

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**A/N: And there we go: clichés, silliness and fluff galore! I'm sure this must have been done before, but hey, any excuse to get the boys into bed is a good one in my mind. Happy Valentine's Day! x**


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